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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29815365">dont leave ; r. black</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/lexiluwhos/pseuds/lexiluwhos'>lexiluwhos</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>1970s, Angst, Azkaban, Best Friends, Bisexual Regulus Black, Bottom Regulus Black, Death Eaters, Friends to Lovers, Gay Male Character, M/M, Original Character(s), Sexual Tension, Slytherin, Smut</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 19:15:16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Underage</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,440</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29815365</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/lexiluwhos/pseuds/lexiluwhos</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐝𝐨𝐧𝐭 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐦𝐞 𝐢 𝐝𝐨𝐧𝐭 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢𝐝 𝐝𝐨 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮</p><p> </p><p>ع˖⁺ ☁⋆ ୭ 🕊.⋆｡⋆༶⋆˙⊹<br/>a regulus black fanfiction </p><p>regulus x male!oc<br/>ع˖⁺ ☁⋆ ୭ 🕊.⋆｡⋆༶⋆˙⊹</p><p>tw: strong language, mature themes, all stated before chapter.</p><p>All characters beside my oc's belong to JKR along with the Harry Potter Universe as a whole. This is fanfiction. Most events happening in this story are not canon!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Regulus Black/Original Male Character(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. i. smoking kills / pretty eyes</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>sept. 3, 1976</p><p> </p><p>cairo sat by himself at an empty table in the slytherin compartments and fiddled with his thumbs mindlessly while ignoring the light flow of his fellow classmates that found their own seats.</p><p>growing annoyed that none of his friends — a.k.a. his roommates — had shown up, he decided to fish out a pack of smokes from his hoodie pocket. after a quick few seconds of rummaging he found them in his left pocket, his hand wrapping around the torn carton and bringing out on the table. in his other pocket a muggle zippo that his grandfather had gifted him on his tenth birthday, his family name engraved on the front.</p><p>grabbing that as well he hummed to himself an unfamiliar tune and light the fag with care. inhaling the toxins then exhaling it, aiming for the window by his seat that was cracked open.</p><p>"smoking kills, cairo. besides cigars are classier." cairo's head whipped to the voice coming from the aisle that belonged to what he would consider his best mate. a wide grin plastered his face and he put the fag back between his lips and exhaled again aiming the smoke at his raven haired friend. "arse." regulus rolled his eyes before kicking the boys leg signaling for him to scoot to the seat closest to the window.</p><p>"reggie, how i've missed you dearly." cairo said as his grin continued. though he meant it playfully he truly did miss the boy and wished that he'd come out of his shell to hangout during the summer, or at least write back.</p><p>cairo didn't know of the three foot letter that regulus had wrote out confessing his feelings of depression and how his brother left him because regulus had torn it and threw it in the fire after rereading it and realizing how much of a pansy he had thought he sounded like.</p><p>"yeah whatever." he grumbled though his eyes held a playful glint.</p><p>cairo could read the boy next to him so easily with just a small amount of eye contact, or lack thereof. cairo adored his green eyes.</p><p>"have you seen barty or orcus?" regulus asked and the playful glint gone to his usual modest expression.</p><p>"nah, it's just been me." the ginger shrugged and looked out the window again while he once more inhaled, exhaled, then put it out on the table and putting the half used smoke back into its place in the carton.</p><p>as they sat there next to each other cairo couldn't help the butterflies that formed in his stomach due to the proximity of his —he hated to admit it— crush. They sat in comfortable silence while regulus read a copy of frankenstein by mary shelley that he had pulled out of his trunk a while ago and cairo resumed his smoking as he had nothing better to do.</p><p>"how's the book?" cairo broke the silence after he took his last drag and flicked the butt out of the window before closing it. it was a stupid question because he knew regulus had already read the book before and he himself had read it over the summer to have something to talk about with the raven haired boy.</p><p>"there's this one quote i cant get out of my head and i've been trying to find it since last week." regulus sighed and dog-eared the page — a habit he'd had since childhood when he first started reading chapter books.</p><p>cairo looked at him with a small smile asking him to continue. "nothing is so painful to the human mind as a great and sudden change. it's simple but it makes you think." regulus continued. "surely there are greater physical pains but when you put it into perspective... say, one day your rabbit dies, you see your rabbit everyday and you bond with her and she's just gone, it would hurt a lot more than just a kick to the stomach.</p><p>and then you make it more dramatic; you're in a terrible accident and you're stuck being blind for the rest of your life. you would mourn your eyesight because it was something you took for granted and it hurts your mind so much because now you're forgetting what a sunset looks like or the color of your best mates eyes. do you understand?" regulus finished his analysis and finally looked at cairo who been staring at him attentively.</p><p>cairo never wanted to forget regulus' green eyes.</p><p>the ginger flushed a rose pink that stood out amongst his pale skin once he realized he'd been caught staring. he answered awkwardly, "yeah i understand. it makes a lot of sense when you put it like that. physical pain is nothing compared to what you described." he fiddled with his thumbs and focused on not making eye contact.</p><p>regulus hummed and cairo thought about how well he'd always been with his words and how easily they flowed out of his mouth and caressed his lips. how he almost spoke in poems and how confident he was, never making a mistake or even stuttering like barty often did. his thoughts of appreciation were put to a stop when the compartment door swung open to reveal orcus and behind him a shorter barty.</p><p>orcus stood in the doorway, his chin held high as he fixed his rings without looking. "peasants. how lovely to see you all again." he nodded and made his way down the open aisle to find the table which cairo and regulus were sitting at.</p><p>"barty how many times did he practice that?" cairo chuckled as the other boys found their seats opposite theirs.</p><p>"too many to count." his laugh turned into a sneer as orcus shoved him and scoffed.</p><p>it was "tradition" for orcus to make some dramatic entrance whether on the train or interrupting dumbledore's speech in the great hall. orcus was just a dramatic person.</p><p>the rest of the train ride the boys caught up and talked about their summers. as always regulus was modest and didn't really talk unless spoken to first. the boys all saw each other during a summer ball or one of their families galas but they rarely had enough time to say more than hello because their parents wanted to keep appearances and show off their spoiled kids.</p><p>"so everyone wants to know, how was she?" orcus had asked cairo as to start a new topic of conversation.</p><p>cairo's brows furrowed in confusion and beside him —though it could've been his mind— regulus tensed and his hand holding his book tightened turning his fingers more white than pink.</p><p>"who's she?" cairo asked confused but all orcus did was laugh while beside him barty snickered.</p><p>"phaedra parkinson? she's been telling everyone you guys did it over the summer." orcus laughed louder.</p><p>barty continued for him as the curly haired boy doubled over. "she also keeps looking at you and giggling mate." and sure enough as he looked at the table across from them phaedra parkinson and her gaggle of friends were whispering and giggling — he recognized allison zabini they had been partners in potions last year, it was weird seeing her so annoyed with her chin in her hand as the other girls laughed.</p><p>he knew people talked about him and his dead mother— lucy coldwell neé prewett, tragic accident—, or how they pitied him because of his half blood status, his red hair that was similar to those of the poor weasley's and so on. but he'd never heard a rumor regarding his sex life, his sexual experiences were limited and not talked about but never had a girl lied and said she'd been with him.</p><p>"oh god, didn't she do this last year with severus? are people actually believing her?" cairo groaned. he never really had a problem with phaedra and she had a knack for these kinda things but why him. he didn't need more ridiculous rumors about him — and merlin he gagged even thinking about getting with phaedra. not cause she wasn't attractive and he did like girls but... but he only wanted regulus.</p><p>"sorry mate, i mean it could be worse. it could be some hufflepuff, don't worry about it." barty tried to comfort him but it just felt forced.</p><p>cairo sighed and appreciated the lame efforts though all he could really think about was how when spread his legs to make himself more comfortable and his thigh touched regulus' smaller one, the raven haired boy didn't move away.</p><p> </p><p>sept. 10</p><p> </p><p>regulus sighed and threw himself on his four poster bed after an exhaustingly boring week and an unwanted conversation with slughorn concerning his odd amount of advanced classes that his parents insisted on him taking.</p><p>regulus was tired.</p><p>he almost wanted to rebel against his parents as sirius had just so he could stop playing this other character of a perfect son and perfect student — regulus was far from perfect — but he wouldn't cause he hadn't enough courage and he was now the only heir of the black family, sirius was burnt off, his name forbidden from being spoken.</p><p>the tired boy sat up at the edge of his bed and decided that an early bedtime would save him from his overactive mind. it seemed cairo had the same idea as he took off his own shirt and searched for a new one.</p><p>he always envied cairo's body and over the summer he got even more filled out, maybe even grew an inch or two. he silently watched cairo's back muscles and how they flexed when he yawned and stretched up his arms, where a line trailed down the middle of his back and stopping at two dimples above the waistline of his form fitting pants and his v-line almost revealing itself. he wasn't queer, he thought, he was just appreciating his best mates appearance.</p><p>he quickly looked away and thanked salazar that his other roommates were off in the common room and not around to catch him staring—even if he told himself it meant nothing.</p><p>"hey reg, want some firewhiskey?" regulus looked back at cairo to find him in a form fitting tee shirt and green checkered pajama pants that hung low on his hips.</p><p>"sure, we should probably hide it from orcus though, merlin knows he was born an alcoholic." regulus chuckled awkwardly.</p><p>he mentally slapped himself for acting like this, he was acting as if he was ten talking to his school girl crush, when in reality it was just cairo who he'd known for over five years now.</p><p>so why was he all flustered over looking at him shirtless when he'd seen him almost completely naked so many times before.</p><p>"reg. regulus?" a hand came into his face and he blinked rapidly snapping out of his daze.</p><p>"sorry, i was thinking." regulus said quickly getting up and throwing on his quidditch jumper before turning to cairo and smiling. cairo eyes furrowed and his mouth opened to say something but all he did was nod and turn around to leave the dorm, regulus followed though having to walk faster to keep up with his longer strides.</p><p>cairo had led them to the astronomy tower, he'd even gone in first to check for late night lovers who'd like to go up there sometimes—regulus wondered if cairo had brought anyone else up here.</p><p>they found they're place at the edge of the tower that looked out onto the hogwarts grounds and hung their legs off the ledge.</p><p>"hey reg." he looked out at the red head who looked oddly conflicted. "do you ever wonder what it would be like if we ended up muggles or like muggle-borns even?"</p><p>"i mean i have before but i'm pretty grateful for my magic, and i do enjoy the status i have being pureblood and all—but why are you asking?" regulus watched as he shook his head and finally took a swig of the whiskey he'd been holding then passed it to regulus.</p><p>"severus was taking to me about lily, and i know were like supposed to hate them but she doesn't seem that bad even for a gryffindor." he ran a hand through his hair. "but then again it's just severus." he laughed awkwardly before regulus handed him back the bottle.</p><p>they drank more and talked nonsense as they sat in the astronomy tower but regulus kept silently thinking about what cairo said.</p><p>"y'know who i hate most." regulus slurred his words and laughed at himself.</p><p>cairo couldn't stop smiling and for a second regulus forgot about what he was gonna say but he quickly remembered when cairo turned away to take another drink. the bottle was almost empty.</p><p>"fucking sirius, merlin he just so...so... annoying." regulus giggled at himself again because he couldn't find the words.</p><p>"fucking gryffindors." cairo tried sounding angry but he kept swaying while he laughed at regulus who had gone to take a drink but missed his mouth completely.</p><p>"gahh fucking shirt." he mumbled as he stood up trying to get out of his jumper but ended up getting tangled in the sleeves. he looked at cairo like a lost puppy and cairo couldn't help but fall back with laughter. "s'not funny help!" he whined.</p><p>after catching his breath the ginger stumbled a bit getting up and walked up to the slightly shorter boy. he had tripped over a loose board, attempting to steady himself he grabbed on to regulus' waist accidentally pushing him up against the wall.</p><p>"sorry." he looked at regulus with wide eyes.</p><p>"s'fine just help you big doof." the raven haired boy looked frustrated as cairo helped him find the sleeve holes and then guiding the shirt up and over his head leaving him half-nude.</p><p>cairo still had him up against the wall, after regulus has thrown the jumper on the floor he looked up to see cairo looking at his bare chest and stomach—regulus had always been semi insecure about his lack of abs even if his stomach was toned from quidditch, though the way cairo was looking at him, he felt nice for once.</p><p>maybe it was just their intoxicated state but when cairo looked back up and their eyes met he almost gasped at how pretty they looked in the moonlight.</p><p>"pretty eyes." he hadn't meant to say it out loud but he wasn't sober enough to care. "mmm, yours too." cairo hummed in response.</p><p>and they just looked at each other for a couple minutes. a smile played on cairo's lips as he tucked a strand of hair behind regulus ear.</p><p>"cut my hair." regulus blurted.</p><p>"my wands downstairs silly," he chuckled and stepped back a little.</p><p>"no!" he blurted again. "like muggles do, with the skizzors."</p><p>"i think you mean scissors and why i like your long hair." cairo giggled as regulus pouted.</p><p>"i look like him." regulus murmured and crossed his arms over his chest as he felt a cold breeze.</p><p>"who- oh." cairo quickly realized what he had meant. he playfully put on a serious face and nodded before grabbing his hand and dragging the other boy down the stairs. it amazed regulus how he hadn't tripped once in his drunken state.</p><p>the taller boy turned to regulus and shushed him as they made it too the main corridors. they quietly made it back to the dorms though regulus almost yelped as he saw a rat cross his path. approaching the dungeons cairo tugged his hand harder so that they were shoulder to shoulder.</p><p>"come on, we'll do it in the main bathrooms, the boys'll still be awake." regulus didn't have the chance to reply as they snuck past slughorn's corridors then into the slytherin commons.</p><p>finally avoiding everyone and in the bathroom, regulus looked confused as the ginger pulled a pair of scissors out of one of the drawers under the sink.</p><p>"how'd you know those were there?" he questioned.</p><p>cairo shrugged before guiding him to stand in front of the mirror before leaving to get a stool from the other side of the room.</p><p>"are you sure about this reg." cairo looked at him through the mirror with a friendly smile.</p><p>"of course cai." he returned the smile and then cairo begun.</p><p>it was a horrible idea and cairo had never cut hair before and they were still intoxicated but it was a bonding moment and regulus liked hearing cairo's laugh.</p><p>it's taken them almost and hour with the laughing fits in between but regulus was impressed with how not bad it looked— he would still have to clean it up with some charms though.</p><p>looking in the mirror you could clearly see his cheekbones now, along with his jawline and his collarbones suddenly seemed more prominent as they weren't as hidden. he thanked himself for spilling the whiskey because he reckoned he'd be even more itchier with his shirt on. below him his raven hair decorated the floor, on the sink the scissors and now with the stool moved, cai behind him looking rather proud of himself.</p><p>"never leave me cai." reg looked over his shoulder to make eye contact with him.</p><p>"you know i could never." cai gave him a lopsided smile before abruptly pulling in for a hug. regulus hugged back just a second after and inhaled the scent of cairo as they stayed that way for awhile.</p><p>of course they had eventually snuck back into the dorm and regulus lazily reminded himself to grab his jumper in the morning. as he drifted off to sleep with the blanket pulled around his shoulders he thought about how much he really enjoyed the hug with cairo.</p><p>best mates always hug like that, right?</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>words : 2955</p><p>a / n : ahhhhhh this is the first chapter!! i had so many ideas for this but i'm proud of how i wrote it out, the ending is kinda rushed because i felt like i kept repeating a lot of words but i hope you guys like it! comment and leave feedback.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. ii. fuck off / muggle herb</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>oct. 8th</p><p> </p><p>chandler smith.</p><p>chandler smith; a fucking ravenclaw who kept insisting he wasn't a poof but kept making those kind of eyes at him while he was trying to study in the library. the same chandler smith who's lips were pressed against his as they made out in a hidden alcove an hour past curfew.</p><p>even if he hated it, cairo really had needed to study because he knew he wouldn't have any time with orcus' party tomorrow and the hangover he'd probably have the day after. of course all that was forgotten once he had looked around just to see who was still at the library that late and made eye contact with a boy who was probably trying his best to eye-fuck him but all it really looked like was a minor eye twitch. </p><p>taking a wild guess and getting the right message he approached the flustered boy and told him to simply 'follow me', he asked his name and then no other words were exchanged as cairo dragged him into the alcove hidden behind a tapestry of a random animal. </p><p>"i swear i-im not queer." smith's annoying voice rang in cairos ears as he attempted to ignore him and continued kissing his neck. smith tried to continue his rant when cairo abruptly grinded up against him making him moan loudly. cairo felt rather proud of the reaction he got out of the ravenclaw, he'd gone to repeat his actions when the tapestry hiding them was pulled back and a bright light shone in their faces. </p><p>"chandler?" he froze.</p><p>"coldwell?" he groaned and hit his head on the wall. </p><p>cairo so badly wanted—no needed—to run away and go hide in his bed never to be seen again. mustering up just enough courage he backed away from smith who'd been pushed against the wall and faced the gryffindor prefects.  </p><p>"evans, lupin. how lovely of you to interrupt my snogging, i do hope you enjoyed the show." his  fake smile slowly turned into scowl as his tirade continued. "as much as i love your company i must be leaving. farewell, smith." he winked at the embarrassed boy before turning to leave. </p><p>he made it halfway down the deserted hallway when he had heard the light footsteps running after him.</p><p>"fuck off, evans." he glared at the other red head who kept a steady pace beside him.</p><p>"i won't tell." she moved and stopped in front of him making him almost trip over her. "i don't care, and i won't report it. no detention or anything." </p><p>"and what about your wolfy friend over there. how do i know he won't tell his friends." he looked at her skeptically as he crossed his arms over his chest. </p><p>if it got out that he'd been a snogging another boy his image would be ruined, his father disappointed and regulus would hate him. he'd never want to talk to him again. cairo hated himself for how reckless he'd been just because he needed a snog to get rid of his sexual frustrations. </p><p>"how do you know about remus?" she focused on his comment, the look of shock on her face. merlin, gryffindors really were the easiest the read. they're emotions were on display to the whole world and it gave everything away. cairo was curious if legilimency would even make a difference since they rarely hid anything. he'd have to remind himself to start practicing. </p><p>"that stunt your boys pulled with severus wasn't very nice." he snarled before trying to keep walking only to be stopped by her hand on his chest, she wasn't the shortest girl so he only had to glare at her. "don't touch me, you maggot." she quickly removed her hand and took a step back so the distance was widened.</p><p>"so we both have things that we don't want other people knowing—we're even." it was lily's turn to cross her arms and raise her chin. </p><p>"are we really even evans? i could never really trust someone of your nature." he scoffed and resumed walking down the darkened corridor. </p><p>naturally she was quick to follow him once more. "what do you mean of my nature. is it because i'm a gryffindor? or maybe it's because i'm a mudblood isn't it." evans was seemingly calm but cairo noticed how she said the slur with hatred in her tone. </p><p>they made it to the stairs leading to the dungeons and cairo wondered if he was gonna have to walk with her the whole way there. perhaps she'd tuck him in to bed aswell. </p><p>"when have i ever addressed you as such, evans. sure i don't like muggle-borns but i refrain from using such language as there's no need." lily almost tripped over her own feet as she realized he was right. </p><p>cairo had never called her a mudblood. he never called any muggle-born a mudblood, period. he despised the word for it'd been used on him before by an old friend he'd rather not speak of. he knew what it felt like and he hated it. </p><p>it still went without saying that he disliked muggle-borns and though it was rooted from his hatred of his mother and unknown father—a bastard's son he was—he'd soon enough have to learn how to tolerate them.</p><p>"oh. well thanks?" it came out as a question as lily thought about how he'd rarely even address her in general. he truly did keep to himself. </p><p>"there's no need to be thankful. i'm just more mature than my peers." she nodded quietly in response. </p><p>they continued walking in a silence that cairo was thankful for. he wished he remembered his robes as they entered the dungeons were it was always colder than the rest of the castle. he thought about how it was like stupid symbolism for a stupid stereotype—cold walls for cold people who were cold slytherins.</p><p>lily was the one to break the silence yet again as they reached the doors to the slytherin commons. "i was being honest when i said i wouldn't tell. i mean i think girls are-" </p><p>"i don't care how you think about girls. i won't talk about your secret and you won't talk about mine." he said sternly though internally he was thinking of all the ways this could go wrong and why he was even trusting her to begin with. </p><p>"well, goodnight cairo. maybe next time we talk it'll be under better circumstances." she started walking backwards while talking, her eyes hopeful and cairo couldn't help but secretly admire her even if he didn't really like her. </p><p>"yea. well," he thought for another second, "i'd prefer if there wasn't a <br/>next time." </p><p>walking into the empty common room he hadn't noticed the lonely girl curled up on the couch nearest the fireplace until he sat in armchair across from it.</p><p>it startled him at first to see allison zabini there looking sad as ever and weirdly quiet. She was never the loudest but she was always visibly more comfortable around phaedra—you'd always find the pair together, kinda like him and regulus.</p><p>"cairo. can i ask you a question?" allison asked him while never taking her eyes off the orange flames. </p><p>"sure." at hearing her small voice and observing her expression cairo realized how truly sad she seemed to be right now.</p><p>"have you ever liked someone so much it hurts and you wish that you could tell them sometimes but you know how wrong it is and that they could probably never like you back?" she looked up from the fire finally and looked at the boy with tears in her eyes and staining her cheeks. </p><p>he was silent for a moment, thinking. taken aback by the question, really, though it seemed oh so familiar because of the amount of times he had asked himself the same thing. </p><p>"yeah. yeah i have." he looked at her sadly.</p><p>it was slightly odd for cairo coldwell to expressing this much emotion in one night. sure there was the drunken nights with friends and random talks with regulus but he was completely sober and sharing his feelings—it felt gross. </p><p>"i feel so.."</p><p>"stupid? me too."</p><p>she sighed and nodded her head before looking back into the cackling fire and cairo copied her actions. </p><p>he didn't know how long he stayed there or when allison had bid him goodnight. he was too lost in thought thinking about regulus. </p><p>he'd think about his new hair, then his eyes that told so much, all the sharp angles that turned soft like his cheekbones and collarbones and his skinny pale wrists and hands that he wished he could hold. how if they were ever to hug again like that night in the bathroom his chin could rest on his head if he strained his neck the slightest. he admired how easily he could mask his deep emotions yet how he would occasionally let the mask fall off when it was just cairo and him. </p><p>it had to have been three in the morning when he retired to his bed and lazily slipped off his clothes before laying on top of his covers and staring at the green posters which allowed his bed privacy. </p><p>cairo never fell asleep so he was glad that his friends were day drinkers and he could forget about his restless night at orcus' party. </p><p>✖✖✖✖✖✖✖✖✖✖✖✖</p><p>oct. 31th</p><p> </p><p>regulus was exhausted. he'd been studying almost non stop since he first arrived back at hogwarts and the only time he seemed to get a break was when he was sleeping. </p><p>after lots of complaining from his friends he decided to let himself take a day off and relax—without alcohol, that is, if he were to start drinking he wouldn't be able to stop and he couldn't handle a hangover right now. </p><p>he'd been mentally preparing himself for the slytherin halloween party that was notorious to leave students hungover for days or 'high off their asses' as cairo would put it. the slytherins knew how to party, it had been there secret kind of way to rebel against their parents who only let them attend balls and galas to make themselves look better. </p><p>"are you ever gonna give that up? i mean come on reg, the parties in an hour and you promised us you'd give yourself a break." orcus nagged at him.</p><p>"he's right you know. you promised. put the book down, let's get ready." cairo added and before regulus replied barty joined in. </p><p>"reggie. baby. get off your ass." barty chuckled before flinging himself on regulus' bed and attempting to take him book. he immediately regretted raising the book in the air as he felt it being taken from his grasp and then another body tackling him to the floor. </p><p>regulus gasped before scoffing as he saw barty and orcus laughing on his bed with the book and cairo straddling his stomach looking down at him with a big grin. </p><p>"i changed my mind. i'm not going." regulus scowled, attempting to get up before being pushed back down.</p><p>orcus caught his breath and rolled his eyes. "you don't have a choice black." </p><p>he and barty got up and began looking through their trunks for a decent outfit while regulus lay on the floor defeated with cairo still atop of him. </p><p>"it won't be that bad. and if you think it's too much for whatever reason, we'll leave." cairo told him before climbing off him and grabbing the clothes he'd already laid out and began undressing.</p><p>quickly turning his eyes to the ceiling, he sighed in defeat. he'd have to go to the party. regulus went to stand up before realizing the stiffness in his trousers. shit, he thought. panicking he semi crawled to his trunk before grabbing whatever clothes and scurrying to the bathroom. </p><p>looking down with wide eyes he scolded himself. it definitely wasn't his first boner but why'd it have to be at such an awkward time. and merlin, did cairo feel it? was this cairo's fault to begin with? no, he reassured himself, merely a coincidence.</p><p>letting the hard on fade away and thinking about gross things to help speed up the process, he thanked himself when he noticed the clothes he grabbed matched—his organization skills were seemingly flawless—a black button up and slacks, he even grabbed socks. getting dressed and leaving the top two buttons undone, he admired himself in the mirror and procrastinated leaving his safe place in the bathroom. </p><p>maybe the boys would forget him after a couple minutes and regulus could bask in the silence and resume his reading. he internally groaned when he heard the pounding on the door and orcus telling him to "hurry his ass up or i'll feed you to the squid myself."</p><p>exiting the bathroom he was faced with a collective of wolf whistles from his friends causing him to roll his eyes but not before taking in their outfits. barty and orcus seemed to be some kind of pirates and cairo was wearing a button up with the buttons undone and tucked into plaid bell bottoms he'd seen some of the muggle-borns wear. </p><p>"what the fuck happened to you lot." he let out a breathy laugh while heading towards his side of the dorm to pick out a pair of dress shoes from under his bed. </p><p>"we're sexy pirates courtesy of santiago over here and... i don't know what cairo is." barty licked his lips trying not to laugh as he eyed cairo's ridiculous costume that seemed a smidge too tight. </p><p>"well i'm a muggle of course." he raised his hands in exaggeration as all the guys stared at him before bursting into laughter, regulus included. </p><p>"yeah well what are u supposed to be black." cairo scoffed.</p><p>"well i'm a wizard of course." he mocked cairo with a smirk. </p><p>he went back to tying his black dress shoes but nothing before he eyed cairo's toned chest and the top of his abs that were exposed from the unbuttoned shirt, not to mention how snug his pants seemed to fit his bum when he turned around searching for his wand. </p><p>after some rough housing from orcus and cairo, along with nagging regulus to actually go to the party, the roommates made their way to the common room. fashionably late as orcus would say.</p><p>as regulus entered the large common room filled with students from slytherin and ravenclaw alike—the only other house welcomed unless by invitation—he wished salazar would kill him then and there. </p><p>the loud music and dimmed lights, along with what seemed like a disco ball though instead of hanging stationary it floated around the room in an odd pattern. to the side was the drinks table along with some finger foods, another corner clouded with smoke and in the center a dance floor with sweaty bodies and teenagers ruled by their hormones grinding against one another. </p><p>wishing someone would just make a hangover potion already so that he could indulge in some firewhiskey, he looked at the liquor table forlornly until he felt an arm around his shoulder connected to a certain ginger who already appeared tipsy. <br/>how? regulus had no idea, they'd barely been there five minutes.</p><p>"don't you love the stench of sweat and sex." cairo took a deep breath and led regulus to the drinks. "it's only nine-thirty and the party doesn't end till two." the ginger winked at regulus before downing a shot and pouring another.</p><p>regulus watched with hidden amusement, he'd seen cairo once before and from what he could tell he could be a very outgoing person once intoxicated. </p><p>little did regulus know that cairo had earlier seen chandler and was trying his best to ignore the boy. </p><p>"do you see orcus anywhere?" regulus wondered allowed to cairo who had stopped drinking and opted for a bit of water.</p><p>cairo hummed as he searched, "oh! i see him, he's over there in the corner with the druggies." cairo raised his voice so regulus could hear it over the music. and looking towards the way cairo pointed, sure enough, he saw his friend surrounded by a bunch of other slytherins and a cloud of smoke. </p><p>looking between cairo—who was already talking with allison—and orcus, he opted for the safer friend seeing as cairo probably would've made him dance. </p><p>it was a bit easier to make it through the crowd of bodies seeing and regulus was still a bit shorter than the average male, so he could skillfully squeeze through some people to make it across the room to orcus. </p><p>"black!" orcus shouted as regulus approached with his hands in his pockets. his loud voice had caught the attention of a couple other people that he recognized but he scurried up hurried over to the open spot next to orcus on the couch he'd been sitting on. </p><p>"what are u smoking cause it certainly isn't cigarettes." regulus scrunched his nose at the smell, it wasn't particularly  bad though not very welcoming either.</p><p>"muggle herb my friend. it's magically grown. don't make that face." orcus raised an eyebrow as if to challenge him.</p><p>regulus took a deep breath—a bad idea as he coughed a little at the smoke—then sighed and looked at his roommate asking him to continue explaining.</p><p>learning the science behind the muggle herb, marijuana, was actually quite interesting and very impressive for the muggles. it was a plant grown and when inhaled through a pipe, baked in sweets or smoked with tobacco would give you the same minor effects as alihotsy. </p><p>regulus was intrigued.</p><p>"i want to try." he said firmly causing orcus to laugh.</p><p>"reg, you didn't even know what it was till ten minutes ago."</p><p>"just let him try it." one of the sixth years regulus recognized pitched him. the rest of the students let out "yeahs" and signs of approval as well as the newbie wanted a try. regulus smiled as the others encouraged—salazar what would walburga think of him.</p><p>He let the same sixth year who helped convince orcus light the spliff for him before he inhaled and let the smoke invade his lungs. holding it for a second then another he exhaled the smoke through his mouth then laughed as he coughed a bit and the small crowd cheered him on.</p><p>repeating the process, he soon enough finished the spliff with a little help from orcus. orcus laughed as he stood up then immediately sat back down as he got light headed.</p><p>"where's cairo?" he asked his friend with red eyes that matched his own.</p><p>"i think getting another drink.." orcus voice faded as he stood up once more and groggily made his way to the opposite side of the room where cairo was pouring himself another drink.</p><p>"cairo." regulus whisper yelled as he tried to get the boys attention, it probably wasn't the best approach seeing as the music was still going and he was preoccupied getting another cup of something.</p><p>"cairoo." he drawled out his name as he clumsily stepped in front of the boy who had to put a hand on his shoulder to steady him.</p><p>"reggie, where've you been?" he leaned in a bit as he talked and regulus could smell the liquor on his breath though he couldn't find it in himself to complain. "reg?" cairo asked again as regulus unknowingly spaced out.</p><p>"oh. sorry, we should go to the room, i want chocolate." he grinned up at cairo and that was when the ginger realized that his friends eyes were alarming red—he probably shouldn't have let him go over to orcus.</p><p>"okay mate, let's get you some chocolate." regulus smiled before happily walking away to the dorms to fulfill his wish of chocolate. </p><p>regulus seemed only now to notice how slow everything felt and how the music had faded to the background, how close yet far the door to his door seemed, oh merlin, he forgot how to breath. he needed to sit down.</p><p>"regulus? reg? are you okay?" cairo worriedly asked and crouched in front of him as he saw his friend sink to the floor and shakily breathe as he leaned his head back against the wall with his eyes closed.</p><p>"i feel so... so funny." he opened his eyes and took in another deep breath. he couldn't have a panic attack not right—not in front of cairo.</p><p>"c'mon let's get you that chocolate." cairo though drunk was visibly steady and regulus took a moment in his head to admire that as his friend helped him up and walked him to their empty dorm with his arm thrown over his shoulder holding him close.</p><p>they successfully yet very loudly found the chocolate in regulus' trunk before they both flopped onto the raven hair's bed side by side. </p><p>munching on the chocolate bars neither said a word, regulus too high and cairo too focused on regulus to care enough to start a conversation. they lie their on his bed with the distance thrumming of music from the common room where they'd been almost an hour ago. </p><p>regulus thought about how weird the concept of time was really. it didn't feel like an hour, yet it did. "i need more chocolate." he decided allowed as the idea behind time started to hurt his brain.</p><p>wordlessly cairo handed reg his have eaten candy and finally looked at his best mate after staring at the ceiling for far too long. too engulfed in his new found sweet regulus never noticed the eyes on him—as they watched his red eyes and the hollow of his collarbones, the way he licked his lips and how he huffed when he finished yet another candy. </p><p>as he brought his hand back down his pinky collided with cairo's. regulus felt him stiffen lightly beside him and decided he couldn't move, he was frozen. ever so slowly, cairo moved his pinky finger—the thin ring around it was cold and sent goosebumps up regulus arms—so that it was intertwined with regulus' slightly smaller one. cairo carefully watched for the other boys reaction, he was happy to see the twitch of his lip as regulus tried not to smile.</p><p>regulus on the other hand, though cairo's hands cold, only felt warmth. he turned his head to the side and green eyes met green as they once more silently stared at each other. each taking in each other features. </p><p>regulus felt happy then. he wasn't worrying about his owls or how he was going to continue avoiding sirius. but that night in his bed with cairo by his side as they held pinkies was the last time he felt content and was relieved of his stress. </p><p>he fell asleep peacefully.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>words : 3812</p><p>a / n : i actually really hate the ending but i feel so bad making you guys wait://i've been getting a lot of support and i appreciate it so much!alsooo some minor background on our cairo and some set up for character development:)).  i cant wait to see your guys comments and feedback. i know it's annoying but i really do appreciate and love ur comments &lt;3 </p><p>working on chapter three right now!</p>
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<a name="section0003"><h2>3. prologue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>July 1, 1976</p><p>dear regulus,</p><p>i knew you'd be the first one to find this.</p><p>i'm sorry i couldn't say goodbye in person but that would've made this much harder than necessary.</p><p>by the time you've read this, i will have been long gone. unfortunately i cannot tell you where i've gone in fear of you telling orion and walburga whether against your will or own choice. you're smart enough to figure it out though.</p><p>i will not be writing in fear of being discovered although i doubt walburga would be nothing less of ecstatic at my departure.</p><p>you've always been there favorite reg, i believe in you. you haven't made a mistake since almost second year, so i no longer need to stand up for you, you've got it under control.</p><p>i'm proud of you and i'm sorry to leave you like this but this is for the best. that way i can no longer spoil the family name.</p><p>maybe i'll see you around school.</p><p>sirius</p><p> </p><p>regulus awoke that morning nauseous and in a cold sweat. his blankets were pulled up to his chin as he shivered and wished his parents would've just let him cast a warming charm.</p><p>but no, his parents preferred the cold.</p><p>he knew something was wrong as soon as he had sat up and his feet touched the green persian rug that decorated the underneath and space around his bed.</p><p>walking quietly towards the bathroom directly across the hall from his bedroom, he silently shut the door and locked it before sinking down against the mahogany wood, drawing his knees up to his chest and taking a deep breath.</p><p>this wasn't an ideal way to start his morning but it felt so odd. instead of waking up at 6 like always, it was probably around 4 with how dark it was outside. maybe it was a nightmare that woke him up but he couldn't remember any dreams.</p><p>he evened out his breathing and hoisted himself up. turning on the cold faucet, he cupped his hands under the running water and splashed his face. He got a rag drying himself before finally looking in the mirror. His raven hair that fell just above his shoulders framed his face, his sharp cheekbones and dark eye bags. Finally his green eyes that were light but right now unusually dark and sullen.</p><p>what happened while he was sleeping during those dreaded witching hours? maybe sirius would know, maybe he could help or comfort the confused boy.</p><p>regulus silently made his way back out into the hall and stealthily climbed the stairs not even waking his ancestors' portraits. sirius' room had been right next to regulus' but ever since his outburst in his fourth year he had been moved to the second floor away from his family and usually hidden from guests.</p><p>he slowed down as he reached the third floor we're his parents' bedroom was which now oddly held two beds instead of one which regulus chose to ignore. he sped up slightly as he finally got down to the second floor and stopped before sirius' bedroom door.</p><p>"sirius." he whispered and knocked once. his older brother was always awake in these ungodly hours regulus had found out when he sought comfort in his brother few times before.</p><p>no answer.</p><p>how peculiar, he thought. he had always answered before, maybe he had taken regulus' advice and taken up a healthy sleeping schedule.</p><p>not wanting to wake his parents the floor above he twisted the doorknob and opened the door a crack so he could slip through. he turned to close the door to then looked back to where he should find his sleeping brother. but there was no sleeping brother. oh.</p><p>denial, maybe he's just in the bathroom, regulus thought to himself once again. he sat on his made bed that seemed out of place. he grew sweaty once again and cursed himself for wearing pants to bed knowing it was july.</p><p>anger, what's taking him so long, his eyebrows furrowed. he got up and began pacing in front of the bed, he had yet to realize how tidy his room truly was.</p><p>bargaining, his stomach is probably upset, he but his lip. he finally lifted his head to look around. a letter lay on his desk, next to it a quill and open ink pot.</p><p>a love letter to remus, how sweet, regulus scoffed. being the nosey younger brother he was he picked it up and found his place back on the edge of the bed.</p><p>he read it. over and over and over again. then once more just to make sure he was actually seeing this correctly.</p><p>depression, silent tears had fallen down his check. he quickly wiped them away with the back of his hands and balled up the letter throwing it somewhere behind him. he left him.</p><p>sirius left him.</p><p>acceptance, sirius left regulus.</p><p>regulus hadn't really accepted it though, instead he bottled it up and put up his walls and in an instant if anyone was there to see they would see his face go blank and stoic. he looked so much older than he was, he had just turned fifteen , yet he looked like he has already gone through so much. and he had.</p><p>in a matter of thirty minutes regulus had almost experience all five stages of grief. it wasn't healthy for a person but he paid no mind to the aching feeling in the back of his throat and the pain that pricked behind his eyes.</p><p>instead he went back upstairs, not so quietly this time and laid in bed and stared at his ceiling.</p><p>it felt like days yet seconds when he had heard the loud series of his fathers knocks signaling it was time to get out of bed and join them for breakfast.</p><p>like a robot or as if he got possessed he undressed and then redressed into a simple black long sleeve and matching trousers. he put on his socks and house shoes, though they were much more like simple dress shoes and then combed his hair in his vanity. he sat there for a minute and looked at himself for the second time that morning.</p><p>regulus wasn't vain. he knew he looked good just as every black familiar does but he never reveled in it as sirius did, he didn't spend too long in the mirror or grow obnoxiously confident when complimented. but today was different. he seemed like a ghost of himself, like he was no longer present and his body was just going through the motions and he was stuck in his head.</p><p>he was stuck in some sort of muggle movie montage, replaying... no, reliving the memories of his younger years and all them including sirius.</p><p>though he never showed the same affection as his brother did for him, he loved him dearly and even envied him and his stupid courage.</p><p>his trance was interrupted with a pop. "mrs. black has sent kreacher to inform master regulus of breakfast." the boy could see kreacher's hunched figure in the reflection and some days he wished he could set the poor house elf free if it wasn't for the elf's love for work.</p><p>"thank you kreacher." kreacher grinned crookedly and ran to the other side of the room to give regulus more than enough space to exit.</p><p>"is there any work for kreacher, master regulus?"</p><p>"rearrange my books by alphabetical order." regulus ordered lazily, with a wave of his hand.</p><p>not even greeting the portraits like he did most mornings he made his way downstairs to the dining room and sat at one side of the two large table for a family of now three.</p><p>"where is sirius, regulus?" walburga asked in her usual irate tone.</p><p>"gone." was all he said before he summoned kreacher and silently asked him for a cup of coffee and two make him a plate of toast and eggs.</p><p>"what do you mean gone?" his father asked in disbelief. "and since when do you drink coffee?"</p><p>"i mean he's gone. he left me a note, probably a heartfelt goodbye but i never read it. now he can't spoil the family name, isn't that right mother." he stole his older brother's words and looked at his mother with a glare though she seemed too preoccupied looking at her husband with delight in her eyes at the news.</p><p>he hated himself, for how easily he could mask his emotions. for once he just wished he could have someone to actually show himself too.</p><p>of course there was cairo, and barty and orcus he quickly remembered but even they barely showed their sorrows or told their secrets.</p><p>he hated his parents more though, how they so easily believed his lies, because if they had just taken a moment to look at their youngest son they would see the pain behind his eyes.</p><p>his eyes had always been the most telling part of him.</p><p>"well, this might hurt you now regulus but you're young and don't always understand things. you're right he can no longer bring us shame. we can disown him properly now." walburga curtly added before taking a sip of her italian wine.</p><p>a wine head, regulus would call his mother behind her back. his father a sorry excuse for a husband and father alike.</p><p>as his coffee arrived he took a long sip of the hot beverage and wished he would've asked for cream, black coffee was gross.</p><p>that breakfast he wondered what life would be like if he grew up in a house as poor as the weasley's or as loving as the coldwell's even if cairo only had his father to care for him.</p><p>no one spoke that morning or the rest of the day until his parents told him they were going out for one of their meetings.</p><p>regulus again laid in bed and stared at the ceiling before finally building enough courage to right back to his dear friend cairo coldwell.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>a/n!  </p><p>thoughts?? i've never wrote a boyxboy fanfiction but i hope this works out(: in this regulus is only one year younger than sirius. this is  summer between fourth and fifth year for regulus and fifth to sixth for sirius. lower case is intentional.</p>
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